Shae Primus challenges everything women have been taught about love, dating, and self worth, offering a bold new perspective on situationships, pleasure, and personal power.

Shae Primus is bold, fierce, and trailblazing a new wave of confidence for independent thinking women. As a celebrity matchmaker, author, and cultural voice, she has built her name on telling women the truth about modern love, even when it stings. Now she is preparing to release her highly anticipated book, Touch, a raw and liberating look at sex, situationships, and what it means to finally put yourself first. Hype Hair sat down with Shae to talk about the work, the book, and the power women keep underestimating in themselves.

Teia Burroughs: Shae Primus, you’ve built your reputation on being real about love and relationships. What do you believe people are getting wrong about relationships today?

Shae Primus: I don’t think it’s necessarily that we’re doing something wrong. I would reframe that. I think one of the biggest issues today is that Black women are high performers. Not that it’s an issue, but our counterparts are just not. We outperform in education, home buying, career advancement — we’re just high performers.

So if your counterpart isn’t doing the same, you’re going to be unequally yoked. That’s just the reality. We end up overcompensating, overgiving, and overperforming in relationships because that’s what we’re used to doing in life. Then we feel depleted because we’re carrying everything. Meanwhile, we’re constantly working on ourselves — therapy, books, growth — and our counterparts aren’t doing half of that. That imbalance is the real issue.

TB: You require your clients to meet with a psychologist before matchmaking. Why is that so important, and what does that say about modern dating?

SP: We all come with trauma, baggage, and past experiences. That’s just reality. The psychologist helps us level set. We know we all have “stuff,” so let’s identify what your stuff is.

Awareness is half the battle. If I know what triggers me, I can communicate that. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect or healed completely, but I’m aware. Nobody is coming into relationships with a clean slate, so we have to acknowledge that upfront.

TB: More women are stepping away from traditional relationship timelines. Do you see that as empowerment or self-protection?

SP: I think it’s empowering. I really believe we should decenter men. We live in a society where the goal is to get a man, like he’s the prize. But are they really the prize?

I think women are the prize. We are powerful, and we don’t even realize it. We shrink ourselves to protect their egos, to make them comfortable. What would happen if we stopped doing that and focused on our full potential? I think we could change the world.

TB: Why do you think situationships have become so common instead of traditional commitment?

SP: I don’t think marriage is necessary for everyone, especially outside of legacy building. Many of my clients are successful women — they don’t need a man financially. What they want is companionship when they want it and space when they don’t.

We’re in a different time. Women are more educated, more financially stable, and more independent than ever. We get to define what relationships look like for us now. It doesn’t have to follow traditional rules.

TB: What patterns do you see women repeating that keep them stuck in unhealthy dating cycles?

SP: We settle. We overgive. We overfunction. And it leaves us depleted because our counterparts aren’t matching that energy.

I don’t like coaching women to settle. When someone doesn’t meet you intellectually, emotionally, or financially, that’s a problem. We have to stop chasing traditions that don’t serve us and start deciding what we actually want.

TB: How does self-worth influence the kind of relationships women attract?

SP: When you have self-worth and boundaries, you’re quicker to walk away. My healed version is meaner, honestly, because I know who I am. If I see nonsense, I’m out.

If someone is staying and tolerating things they shouldn’t, it’s because their self-worth is low. When you know you deserve better, you don’t put up with less. Your standards go up, and your tolerance for foolishness goes way down.

TB: What are clear signs someone isn’t emotionally ready to date?

SP: If you’re not emotionally regulated — going from zero to 100, crashing out — that’s a problem. That’s not cute.

If you can’t be honest or transparent, you’re not ready. If you’re ghosting, lying, or expecting people to read your mind, you’re not ready. Adults communicate. Adults are honest. If you can’t do that, you need coaching or therapy before you start dating.

TB: Your upcoming book explores sex, situationships, and balance. What do you want readers to take away from it?

SP: We’ve been taught that being a “good woman” is about how much we do — taking care of everyone else. But what makes us good is our character, not our labor.

Nobody prioritizes us, so we have to prioritize ourselves. You can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to be full first and give others the overflow.

I also want women to prioritize their pleasure. Eighty-five percent of women are not orgasming in relationships, and that’s a problem. We’ve been taught to suppress our desires to protect men’s egos. I want us to take our power back and be honest about what we need.

TB: What made you decide that now was the time to write this book?

SP: I realized I was coaching women not to overgive while I was still doing the same thing in my own life. Touch is my story, but it’s also my mirror.

I’m sharing my experiences — my relationships, my mistakes, my growth — so women can see themselves in it. I had to learn to take the energy I was pouring into others and pour it back into myself. When I did that, my life became more fulfilling.

This book is about prioritizing yourself, your pleasure, your growth, and your power.

Shae Primus isn’t just changing the conversation around dating — she’s challenging women to rethink everything they’ve been taught about love, relationships, and themselves. Through honesty, self-awareness, and a bold commitment to self-prioritization, she’s making one thing clear: the real power has always been within us.